How deep is your faith? A question I should be able to answer easily enough. Yet these past months, with an ailing mum on her last legs my faith was tested so many times. Like every good Catholic and as everyone, friends, and well-wishers advised I left mum in God’s hands. Yet there was always a fear: a what if? Surely I should not have doubts or questions since I had left it all in God's hands? Still the mere mortal in me tortured myself with the ifs. Oh ye of little faith, a silent voice whispered!
Hospitals are a great place for one to learn gratitude! In the weeks and months that mum stayed in the hospital, watching the other patients cope with their illnesses and conditions was an eye opener. I gave thanks for the good health I enjoy and offered silent prayers for the patients in the ward. There are two Catholic patients in mum's ward, both Eurasian women in their 80s. On one occasion, Patient A asked me what day of the week it was, after I told her it was Friday she took out her rosary and started her rosary prayers .
That night at prayers, I remembered the fervor of Patient A. For the first time in a while, I just prayed asking for help understand God's will for mum! Not what we her family wanted but what God had planned for her. To lift her up, to remove her suffering and to trust the will of God!
The following Sunday, while I was at the hospital again stressing about the pile of unfinished work that I needed to clear and feeling guilty, I learnt lesson number 2. Patient B, another Eurasian and Catholic as well, was looking forlorn and troubled. So I asked her what was wrong. She looked at me and with so much grief and said, “I lost my rosary. She went on," I said my rosary last night and it was in my pocket but this morning when they showered me, it was gone! “ The expression on her face was that of someone who had lost a fortune. Fortunately I had three rosaries in my handbag. I always have extras, a habit from IJ days because ever so often the girls would come up and say they had forgotten their rosaries and could I lend them one.
So I reached out and gave her one of my rosaries!
She was grateful beyond words and the look on her face was priceless! She thanked me and promptly started her rosary prayer! That somehow was God's lesson for me! , I felt that God's message to me was simple: To have faith and to let go! I had a parachute and yet I did not want to jump!
Sometimes God delivers his lessons in such simple ways we just need to be ready to let go and trust him. That same evening a friend dropped by and prayed over mum. It was the answer to my prayer! I had heard God's message to just trust and pray! I had learned to say, “Get thee gone Satan” every time any kind of doubt began to cross my mind.